Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
