My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
