No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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