the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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