carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
