Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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