I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
