It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
