college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
