I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
