First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
