Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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