My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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