I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
