I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
