When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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