brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
