I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
