Your face is a jimmy john
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
