Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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