Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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