God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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