I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
