he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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