Your tits are I can't wait for
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
