Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
