he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
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