i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
