how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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