Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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