the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
