An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
