I looked at my own cervix.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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