that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
