They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
