If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
