girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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