I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
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