Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
