He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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