i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
