Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
