Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
