You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
