Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
dude. I can hear the air.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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