i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
