Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
