We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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