I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
