my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
